An Unfamiliar, Scary Place

GUEST BLOG by Rachel McClenahan

Because a snowstorm was predicted overnight, I jumped out of bed on Friday morning to see how much snowfall had accumulated.  With just a dusting on the cars in the neighborhood, I got dressed and headed out the door.  Today, a foster care worker and I were driving to Detroit and I would meet the 11-year-old boy whom I was assigned as an adoption worker.

Ethan* is the only child on my caseload who does not reside in a foster/pre-adoptive home.  He is currently in a residential home, or a children’s home staffed by caseworkers and therapists, and today he would be going to a new residential home.  He had run away and threatened staff/other children so often that he needed more supervision and care.  The new home will be his fifth placement since coming into foster care over a year ago.

After a two hour drive, we arrived to where Ethan was residing.  Fifteen minutes later his therapist brought him to where we were waiting and the foster care worker introduced me as his new adoption
worker.  “Oh man!  Where’s Roni?” he asked, disappointed.  We explained Roni is now my supervisor and while she’s still around and asks about him, I’ll be coming to see him instead.  As staff walked past the room we were in, Ethan made sure to hug them good-bye.  I asked him what he would miss, and he said his friends and the staff.  The foster care worker and I helped carry three tubs and two plastic bags filled with his things and we got in the car, onto the hour drive to Detroit.

Ethan was excited when we started our drive.  He has known his foster care worker almost two years and he is very attached to her**.  When we stopped for lunch at Arby’s, Ethan opened the doors for us and offered to pay for lunch. When we insisted that we pay, he thanked us.

Ethan had questions about the new residential home he was going to, and unfortunately the foster care worker and I had not been there, so we had little knowledge or experience to offer him.  I showed him pictures on my phone, and I felt the fear he must have been experiencing.  He became more anxious as we got closer. When we finally arrived and started walking in the administrative building, I noticed his teeth were chattering.

The residential caseworker introduced herself and we drove around to the ‘cottage’ that would be Ethan’s home.  Nine curious faces were peering around the kitchen when we walked in the front door.  I felt Ethan’s fear, as I knew the daunting task before him was to make new friends ... again.  We met one of the two staff; she was not the most warm, inviting person I have ever met.  Ethan stayed with her as the foster care worker and I went to the intake meeting to go over his case.  It pained me to leave Ethan with the new worker.

Later, when I returned to check on Ethan, I found him on the floor surrounded by his belongings.  The worker asked him to sort through his things so she could take record of what belonged to him.  Together Ethan and I sorted his pants, sweatshirts, socks, underwear, blankets, etc.  I wanted to hug him and help him get everything set up in his new room; it’s what my parents did for me when I arrived in my college dorm. But I chose to go to college, and I had the luxury of getting to visit my parents whenever I wanted. I was eighteen then, he is only eleven. I realized Ethan has no choice, and home is now this unfamiliar, scary place.

Ethan was asked to say good-bye to us, so we sat down as the foster care worker and Ethan talked for several minutes.  Ethan told her he was scared and that he didn’t want her to go.  I tried to ask as many questions as possible for the caseworker so Ethan would have some idea of what this place was about.  We gave Ethan our final hugs and he walked away with tears in his eyes. 

About two years ago, I believe I heard God tell me that He is hurt when His children suffer.  Why do bad things happen?  I don’t know, but I do know that in our pain God deeply feels hurt too.  It pains God to see Ethan without a home, without loving parents.  When I came home and reflected on Ethan’s story, I must have finally let myself feel what God was feeling because together He and I cried.

*Not his real name

**The foster care worker has 4 children and has felt that her family is not complete.  She is considering adopting Ethan.