One

At a friend's house the other night, after a delicious pork roast, the fire was lit as all sunk into couches, chatting. It wasn't long before Tad's enormous chocolate lab brought a slimy blue rubber toy right into the lap of Jonathan, who happily resigned himself from the conversation to play fetch. He threw the toy high up into the air. Up launched the lab with a full six-foot span (and a smile almost as big) as he chomped it out of the air and fell back to the hardwood floor between the Christmas tree and the fireplace. He brought it right back to Jonathan for another go. We all laughed, mesmerized with all the antics.

"I wish I could be so obsessed with one thing," Jonathan reflected out loud as the dog took another leap into the air. "He's so happy, he could do this forever." But I wonder if that lab was thinking the
same thing. Fetch is a game for humans, too, where dogs watch how many times humans will throw that ball away. (Here, stupid. What? Again? You don't want the toy you bought? Guess I'll have to bring it back to you!) Both are playing the game for the other, giving one another the gift of happiness that comes with single-mindedness.

The internet stresses me out. There are way too many choices, too many things begging for my attention, for my money, for my time. My phone stresses me out. Too many ongoing conversations, unanswered texts and emails, too many people who have access to me at any time. I'm weary of moving from task to task, from person to person, from place to place. Yet this is the story of my life. I am regularly caught trying to free myself from my location and from my relationships, looking for a place and a person that will finally make me whole.

I thought becoming a father would be the cherry on top of my stress sundae. I thought when I became a father, chronic anxiety would finally set in, that I would finally have a nervous breakdown, or at least give in to incessant headaches and backaches. Not so*. I am surprisingly stress-free and clear-minded. Doubtless, being a parent has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I am exhausted! But it is a gift. It is a gift because God plops someone in my life and says, "Love this person. Love this one person and I will heal you of your divided heart." And so I find myself staring into her eyes, whether they are squeezed shut from screaming, or wide open to the world, or lit with a smile, and I lose track of time; this is my one daughter and I am her one dad.

Freedom can be overrated**. I would rather be that dog with only one toy to chase forever. I would rather live in my place with nowhere else to go. I would rather have a daughter and know whom to love. I would rather have a wife and know where and who home is. Blessed are the pure in heart, those who are focused, placed, content, with one undivided heart. "Our God is One."

*Yet.

**Freedom from oppression = good. But freedom from something and for nothing spoils quickly. We'll never be free from habits because we are habitual people. But we can replace bad habits with good ones.